aquarius - chill 

pisces - get out the bath before u shrivel up 

aries - stop shoplifting 

taurus - stop sleeping n do something 4 once 

gemini - 2 faced bitch 

cancer - why r u always crying 

leo - stop setting things on fire

virgo - don’t eat that

libra - shut up

scorpio - moody bitch 

sagittarius - calm down

capricorn - why u always flirting with everyone 

Ooo, a new one.  This is about my brain power at the moment, so woo!

Ty: gemini: 2 faced bitch (snort)

Zane: libra: shut up (eh)

Nick: capricorn: why u always flirting with everyone (OMG)

         cusp with aquarius: chill  (works)

Kelly: pisces: get out the bath before u shrivel up (blink blink…ok)

         cusp with aries: stop shoplifting (ehh)

Digger: aries: stop shoplifting (that’s more like it)

Owen: scorpio: moody bitch (OMFG)

kamariaaislynn asked: My C&R Meta Queen, I have a question for you. Do you know how long Kelly was in the hospital in NOLA? I know S&A is happening during the end of T&G but Ty was in NOLA for a month before he is recalled but it seems like it was just days that Nickels were in CO together. Am I missing something or is this some kind of timey wimey thing happening? Help please!!!

In T&G, we are told:  It had been a good month. (p. 263), and that Ty was home for two days when he got his orders.

In S&A, the blurb in the front of the book said: After barely surviving a shootout in New Orleans, Sidewinder medic Kelly Abbott has to suffer through a month of recovery before he can return home to Colorado (no page number but at the front of the kindle e-book).

In the text, the time passage was mentioned by: Nick gasped and closed the refrigerator door quickly. They’d been gone a long time; Kelly had no doubt what the inside of that thing smelled like. (p. 2).

But the more telling bit is the same two days home when Nick gets his orders.  His phone was ringing in the background as Ty was calling to warn him because Ty got his first.

So it really is the same for both.  Kelly, Nick, and Ty were down in New Orleans until Kelly was released from the hospital (though not 24/7 with Kelly, so Ty had time to do his broody mourning alone time thing).  Nick flew home with Kelly to settle him in, and Ty went home to Zane.  Once they arrived, two days later they received their marching orders.

Did that help?  I am a bit loopy today, so I am not sure I make sense.  Part why I am pausing answering Tommy’s (cosmicbooks) amazing Nick meta

tagged: #T&G  #S&A 
My heart was trampled, but then…
(via yoursixwordstory) ←

tagged: #Zane  #Nick 
I read a book one day and my whole life was changed.
Orhan Pamuk, The New Life (via observando) ←

6’5” and fuck off



“Four what?” Ty asked in apparent confusion.

Zane cleared his throat in annoyance and glanced around them. “Hookers,” he said through gritted teeth.

“All at once?” Ty asked with a mocking sort of wide-eyed innocence.

Not all four, no,” Zane said under his breath.

“Shame,” Ty drawled with a smirk. “Why?

Zane sighed inwardly. “One of them was busy with a john in the other bed,” he said as he lifted his glass to call for a refill. That had been one hell of a night—what he remembered of it.

  • Cut & Run (Kindle Locations 1063-1072). 

Kinky.  Zane and Nick could compare notes.  That would be….educational.  Yeah, let’s go with that.  And I love his innocence in answering the Why question.

“That’s fascinatingly kinky,” Ty drawled flatly. “But I meant why hookers,” he corrected with an impish grin. “Paying for it usually means you’re doing it to get out frustrations, not enjoy it.”

Or being too drunk off your ass to know otherwise,” Zane pointed out, taking another sip of tea.

  • Cut & Run (Kindle Locations 1073-1076).

So I get that in Miami he was so far drunk that he did not realize he was paying, but he is not drunk anymore.

“Why not troll the bars?” Ty asked curiously, unable to help himself.  “You’re a good-looking guy. Did you just get a kick out of paying for it?”

Zane smiled. “Did I catch a compliment in there?” he asked, flicking ashes to the side as he looked at his feet. He took another pull off the half-gone cigarette before answering. “Breaking the rules is addictive too.”

  • Cut & Run (Kindle Locations 5717-5720).

I am still lost in how repressed Zane actually is before Ty.  I mean here is a 6’5” man who is good-looking.  He should not have to pay.  Have you ever seen an attractive guy that is that tall?  They draw the eye.  They keep the eye.  I mean, of course they do.  They are a head taller than everyone, and people will go up and flirt up a storm too.  The teacher across the hall from me is that sort of guy (he’s actually 6’6”).  I watch the mothers fling themselves at him.  It is funny. 

Zane could have sex with anyone he wanted, yet he seems oblivious to it.  He must be putting off some serious “don’t fucking approach me” vibes to not be beating them off with a stick. Maybe he is going to prostitutes because he doesn’t know how to approach men, but again.  He is 6’5” and attractive.  He shouldn’t have to approach them.  He just needs to lean his tall ass against the bar and men (and women) would come.  He is doing random prostitutes, so he is not picky.

But, he says here his reason was “breaking the rules is addictive”.  I…huh.  I am going to have to call bullshit here, Zane.  That is not your real reason, and that is fine.  You don’t have to tell the truth to Ty all the time, but seriously.  You did not go to hookers to “break the rules”.  You did it because it was easy and not like Becky, which I think you said in Touch & Geaux so that is Abi’s interpretation of your reasons.  Maddie may have just made you only a “bad boy”.  Pity.  There is so much potential here as to his reasons beyond “sad Zane likes breaking rules”.

But Zane telling Ty you did it to break the rules is amusing.  Were you trying to paint yourself different in his eyes?  Show a different side.  Were you tired of being straight-laced and wanted to run free?  I think it is still you want Ty to know the real you.  Not the mask, but deep you.  Or at least, what you have puzzled out about yourself and are willing to share, which again fair enough.  Ty is hiding things too.  Baby steps. 

Zane feeling that someone actually seems to care about him, and the push and pull he has with that fact, is very wrapped up in his self image.  He would rather push people away and be lonely than leave himself open and no one takes him up on it.  Zane’s impulse of “love me, love me” scares him.

And there it is.

I think Ty hit the nail on the head when he said “Paying for it usually means you’re doing it to get out frustrations, not enjoy it.” Zane wasn’t really enjoying it in the way most healthy people enjoy sex. He is doing it to work out his physical needs and frustrations. Paying for it or the occasional strange keeps things very business like and impersonal. That is all he can handle at this point because any deeper connection would feel too much like betraying Becky and he feels guilty enough about about needing sex at all.

You know, something about this throws me off though.  When Ty and Zane meet back up after the first forced separation, Zane said he had not paid anyone and had not been with guys. 

“Not even once. Didn’t pay anybody, either.”

  • Cut & Run (Kindle Location 6512).

“I got some ass,” he admitted before scraping his teeth on Ty’s skin for a moment. Then he added, “No men.”

  • Cut & Run (Kindle Location 6517).

That implies, to me, that he picked up women.  And yet, we have no idea if he had ever done that before, or if he went to bars, or were these cartel girls, or anything.  He just did it during that time in Miami, and that was it.

That seems, again - to me, to be huge for Zane.  Having sex with women after so long had to bring back memories.  And then to not pay for sex too, removing that emotional distance, I just…I am not sure Maddie really thought it fully out.  I think she was letting Zane have sex while keeping “man sex” special Ty territory.  I don’t think she fully thought how hard that would be for Zane to fuck a girl again that he didn’t pay.  I think she was saying Zane was more invested in Ty and Zane than he let on but she did not fully realizing the character.

As for his breaking the rules comment, when all of this was going on in Miami Zane was completely out of control. When he says that it is addictive he means living so close to the edge, the whole lifestyle he created.

Yeah, this breaking the rules comment is really haunting me.  I do agree that it is linked to his going out of control, but he is using it as a crutch here in this scene.  That does not, though, negate how truthful it is in his life.  I want to explore this more, especially with rules and Zane’s early life, later.

A few metas ago, Malady, you mentioned that Zane was a perfectionist, then commented on that word not feeling quite right. This was very perceptive of you, I feel he is/was really more of a control freak with a fear of failure, similar but not quite the same. In the aftermath of Becky’s death Zane felt like he had failed her and his life was spinning out of control.

Huh.  Yeah, I completely follow that.  Well done.  Let me think on it, but it is so written down in the little notebook.  This works with how he has failed in life from his mother’s perspective and how Zane felt he was finally doing right and then that was yanked away, and…ok. 

So the question becomes how did losing control move from an undesirable state to a desirable one?

And that is where I wonder.  Zane makes it sound as if he has always fought against the rules.  That he has always wanted to buck conventions, and in Miami he finally bucked allll the rules (except he still did his job well) and he liked it.  That is what gets me.  Yes, Zane went after prostitutes to numb the pain, but if we are to take him at his word here, Zane liked bucking rules.  He enjoyed it.  He enjoyed those threesome with the pros.  He very vividly remembers why that fourth one could not join.  Almost like he thinks back on it often. 

I think the key to that can be found in F&C when Zane talks about how much focus and control he feels when he drinks. Like his other addiction there was a slow slide and by the time he may have realized that he was in to deep his world was spinning so out of control if was easier to just let go than try to hold on.

Leaving Zane drifting in need of a compass.





look at that bitch face he pulls i swear to god


malady579 & nickyoflaherty

Oh god. The amount of sass in that expression…so completely Owen Johns.

I think I could get on board with Sebastian being Owen! *le sigh*

Honey, I am so on board with Sebastian as Owen.  You have no idea.  The sassy level on this one.  The fashions.  The adorableness.  He can be both good or bad and all different shades of emo.  Yeah, I’m gonna need more canon on Owen just so I can keep headcasting him in different situations.



I once smoked up the entire first floor of my house and almost set my kitchen on fire attempting to make one pancake and that’s the story of how I’m not allowed to cook unsupervised 

… your url feels really appropriate with this story.